I was definitely dreading coming home. I didn't want to think about how much money I'd be spending for day to day expenses in London. I wasn't looking forward to having to live at home with my parents again. Generally, I just knew I'd rather be somewhere else other than home. And to top it all off, I was welcomed back to London in true British style - yep, you guessed it, rain.
London cliches; Big Ben, red buses and rain
I took a bus towards Vauxhall one day, reminded of this familiar route I used to take to work a year ago and I was taken aback by how much the buildings have developed just one year on. I'm not sure why I was so surprised. This kind of thing happens in China all the time. New buildings and shopping complexes seem to pop up over night but it the changes in London seemed really noticeable to me. Vauxhall has shiny new residential blocks, a fancy new Waitrose and still more construction work going on to develop the area even more. I couldn't help but wonder what else was new? Are the shops I think are where I think they are still there? Or have they too been closed down and replaced with another new brunch spot or fancy coffee roastery as I've noticed happen down my road?
One of the strangest parts of being home was how much I longed to be back in a place where I couldn't really understand the conversations around me very well. Suddenly my thoughts on this bus journey were interrupted by the loud conversation of a couple of school kids sitting behind me who were arguing about how "gassed" the other was about their summer plans. I just felt moany and annoyed that I was back, having to endure such loud, trivial conversations when in China, I could simply ignore or tune out conversations when I wanted because I probably couldn't understand anyway.
I think I'm at odds with myself a lot of the time. Part of me feels like this 'moany-ness' is a little bit of what it means to be British. We're supposedly a nation of complainers so I should in theory just accept that being a bit moany is me actually readjusting. Another part of me however hates that my go to reaction is to find something to moan about. For an entire year, I haven't had much reason to moan about anything and I've loved not being negative about things for a year. I'd quite like to keep things that way but readjusting to home has certainly made things difficult.
I know I could write a long ranty post about so many things that I've struggled with since returning (Brexit shambles, people who actually queue and why there are so many goddamn cranes interrupting the London skyline to name a few!) but this readjustment phase isn't all doom and gloom. I do finally feel like I'm getting used to home again with the help of the fleeting heatwave a few weeks ago. It's funny what just a little bit of sun in London can do - I was definitely seeing my hometown in a new light. With the help of my friends and family, it's easier to remember what makes home, home. Now it's time to settle in and plan my next steps...
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