There weren't many things I had lined up for the summer when I returned home but one thing I was definitely looking forward to was going to my older cousin David's wedding in what would technically be my first ever proper Chinese wedding. I say 'proper' but we've got to remember that it was still 'western' by Chinese standards. But there were still so many customs that were observed for a traditional Chinese wedding. I was roped in last minute to play photographer which meant I was close up to most of the action from the minute it started until the very end as the last stragglers left the dinner venue. So what does a Chinese wedding entail?
Me playing photographer, getting up close and personal with all the action
My understanding of a Chinese wedding was somewhat limited before going to Dave's wedding. In my HSK 3 textbook there's a passage about what a Chinese bride and groom wears, namely focusing on the bride traditionally wearing a royal red Chinese style dress but that more brides opt for the traditional 'westernised' white gown as well. I could confirm that it was true having flicked through some of my parents old wedding photos from back in the day. Mum had the big white dress in the day time, and a sleek red cheongsam dress for the evening reception. According to some TV documentaries I'd seen, I understood that it was also sometimes traditional for the groom to come knocking at the bedroom door with his beautiful bride and her bridal party on the other side. After a series of games and some serenading, he must convince the bride to open up. The deciding factor normally comes down to how many lucky red envelopes filled with money he would pass through the door give the impression he could take care of his wife-to-be financially before they let him in. All a little strange as traditions go, but the symbolism and the sentiment they represent is all there.
It wasn't quite the same with Dave's wedding. Being British Chinese, I think it's nice to be able to make your wedding your own with a combination of both western and Chinese elements. There wasn't the whole 'give money to prove you're worth it' thing, but unlike the western tradition, Dave did go to fetch Jenny and saw her in her wedding dress before the actual ceremony. My Dad was head chauffeur for the entire day and drove them to a beautiful manor house where the actual ceremony would take place.
There was a pre-ceremony professional photo session whilst my cousins darted around getting the venue set up. One thing that was always very prominently seen in China whilst I was there were dolled up couples getting amazing pre-wedding photos done in beautiful spots in various cities all over the country. Weddings must be a massively lucrative market in China because giving off the impression of grandeur seems important for wedding couples. To know what I mean, you can take a look at one of my favourite instagram accounts by a wedding photographer based in Kunming. Couples appear to compete to ensure they get the most stunning and unique pre-wedding photos, whether that's down to hiring amazing photographers, wearing the most lavish looking dresses or travelling to beautiful locations for the photographs. I think it's quite a recent trend to do so, but one that was always fascinating to observe all the same.
Dave and Jenny's vow exchange was really heart-warming. I never understood why people cry at weddings but watching them both tie the knot did make me well up with happiness. It was a beautiful ceremony which followed the quite standard process of exchanging vows, rings and signing their names on the registry. After, we all proceeded to gather outside to throw confetti at the newlyweds and enjoy a small drinks reception om some beautiful outdoor gardens.
If there's one thing Chinese families love to do, it's to dine together so Dave and Jenny hired out an entire venue to cater to a party of over 200 people, including both sides of their families (both immediate and extended, and friends of those people) as well as close friends. If I haven't mentioned before, my family on both my Mum and Dad's side are pretty big. And then there are all the other family friends of all our parents. Suddenly I was seeing the faces of my parents friends who I hadn't seen since I was a little girl which was strange but in a way, it's nice to see that they could make an appearance to show their support and join in the party. Dinner involved a 10 course feast of Chinese food which was staggered through out the evening. We shared all the food together and drank together to celebrate.
Another traditional aspect of the wedding was the tea ceremony. As you can see, Jenny underwent a costume change into a beautifully embroidered red Chinese dress for the evening banquet. During the tea ceremony, the newlyweds kneel down on special pillows and offer tea to their elders to show respect who in turn take a sip as an acceptance of their gratitude. With the help of one of Jenny's bridesmaids who poured the tea and helped to ensure the tea was offered in the correct order (from eldest relative to youngest ie:- grandparents, parents and uncles and aunties in descending order of age with the groom offering the first cup, followed by the bride), each tea exchange ends with the relatives offering lucky red envelopes filled with money and/ or wedding jewellery made from real gold. All of these exchanges are done with the traditionally polite two handed offer and reception. I'd never seen a wedding tea ceremony so up close before but it's a really beautiful thing to witness as the whole thing symbolises the acceptance of the new couple into the family as a united pair and the hope of financial stability and happiness.
After more food, Jenny and Dave went round to each of the 24 tables to toast everyone and thank them for coming. It was a lot of 干杯-ing (that's basically cheers/ down it in Chinese) and to be honest, I'm not sure how Dave wasn't on the floor with the amount he had to shot in the process. But it was great fun to see how each table of different people made such a ruckus in celebration.
As a wedding memory, everyone was asked to take a fun prop-filled photos on a polaroid camera to stick into a guestbook and leave a little message- my siblings and I scrubbing up decently in our photo above! Dave and Jenny, we all wish you a wonderful life together!
It was the first time all my immediate family had sat around one table since I got back home and it's moments like this that I realise just how much I appreciate having such great parents, brothers and sister. I did find myself thinking about what my own wedding (if there ever will be one) might be like one day. I think I'd quite like to keep some of the traditional Chinese elements of a wedding because I think the symbolism really matters. However and if ever it happens though, I know I definitely want my family very close by...
Here's one last shot of my Dad taking a short, but well needed, pre-ceremony nap. My Dad's a real trooper for offering to be such an important part of the wedding, getting up even earlier than the bride and groom and driving all day, ensuring both Dave and Jen got to where they needed to be on time, safe and sound. He really represents what it means to have strong family values. This man would do anything for his family and it's certainly something that's been ingrained in me growing up. If there's one thing that I think any wedding should involve, whether Chinese or whatever culture, it's definitely the felt presence of family.
It wasn't quite the same with Dave's wedding. Being British Chinese, I think it's nice to be able to make your wedding your own with a combination of both western and Chinese elements. There wasn't the whole 'give money to prove you're worth it' thing, but unlike the western tradition, Dave did go to fetch Jenny and saw her in her wedding dress before the actual ceremony. My Dad was head chauffeur for the entire day and drove them to a beautiful manor house where the actual ceremony would take place.
Exchanging vows
There was a pre-ceremony professional photo session whilst my cousins darted around getting the venue set up. One thing that was always very prominently seen in China whilst I was there were dolled up couples getting amazing pre-wedding photos done in beautiful spots in various cities all over the country. Weddings must be a massively lucrative market in China because giving off the impression of grandeur seems important for wedding couples. To know what I mean, you can take a look at one of my favourite instagram accounts by a wedding photographer based in Kunming. Couples appear to compete to ensure they get the most stunning and unique pre-wedding photos, whether that's down to hiring amazing photographers, wearing the most lavish looking dresses or travelling to beautiful locations for the photographs. I think it's quite a recent trend to do so, but one that was always fascinating to observe all the same.
Dave and Jenny's vow exchange was really heart-warming. I never understood why people cry at weddings but watching them both tie the knot did make me well up with happiness. It was a beautiful ceremony which followed the quite standard process of exchanging vows, rings and signing their names on the registry. After, we all proceeded to gather outside to throw confetti at the newlyweds and enjoy a small drinks reception om some beautiful outdoor gardens.
Wedding banquet set up
If there's one thing Chinese families love to do, it's to dine together so Dave and Jenny hired out an entire venue to cater to a party of over 200 people, including both sides of their families (both immediate and extended, and friends of those people) as well as close friends. If I haven't mentioned before, my family on both my Mum and Dad's side are pretty big. And then there are all the other family friends of all our parents. Suddenly I was seeing the faces of my parents friends who I hadn't seen since I was a little girl which was strange but in a way, it's nice to see that they could make an appearance to show their support and join in the party. Dinner involved a 10 course feast of Chinese food which was staggered through out the evening. We shared all the food together and drank together to celebrate.
Tea Ceremony; Dave and Jenny offering Mum and Dad tea
Another traditional aspect of the wedding was the tea ceremony. As you can see, Jenny underwent a costume change into a beautifully embroidered red Chinese dress for the evening banquet. During the tea ceremony, the newlyweds kneel down on special pillows and offer tea to their elders to show respect who in turn take a sip as an acceptance of their gratitude. With the help of one of Jenny's bridesmaids who poured the tea and helped to ensure the tea was offered in the correct order (from eldest relative to youngest ie:- grandparents, parents and uncles and aunties in descending order of age with the groom offering the first cup, followed by the bride), each tea exchange ends with the relatives offering lucky red envelopes filled with money and/ or wedding jewellery made from real gold. All of these exchanges are done with the traditionally polite two handed offer and reception. I'd never seen a wedding tea ceremony so up close before but it's a really beautiful thing to witness as the whole thing symbolises the acceptance of the new couple into the family as a united pair and the hope of financial stability and happiness.
After more food, Jenny and Dave went round to each of the 24 tables to toast everyone and thank them for coming. It was a lot of 干杯-ing (that's basically cheers/ down it in Chinese) and to be honest, I'm not sure how Dave wasn't on the floor with the amount he had to shot in the process. But it was great fun to see how each table of different people made such a ruckus in celebration.
As a wedding memory, everyone was asked to take a fun prop-filled photos on a polaroid camera to stick into a guestbook and leave a little message- my siblings and I scrubbing up decently in our photo above! Dave and Jenny, we all wish you a wonderful life together!
Dad, Pete, Phil, Me, Mum and Jen
Here's one last shot of my Dad taking a short, but well needed, pre-ceremony nap. My Dad's a real trooper for offering to be such an important part of the wedding, getting up even earlier than the bride and groom and driving all day, ensuring both Dave and Jen got to where they needed to be on time, safe and sound. He really represents what it means to have strong family values. This man would do anything for his family and it's certainly something that's been ingrained in me growing up. If there's one thing that I think any wedding should involve, whether Chinese or whatever culture, it's definitely the felt presence of family.
Very excited to know this information about Chinese wedding. Recently attended one of my best friend’s wedding at one of iconic lovely Malibu wedding venues. The ambience and atmosphere there was truly awesome.
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